Princesses don't give blow jobs
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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