The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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