How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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