addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Success! We fucked roommates!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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