the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
