Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
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