I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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