so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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