I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I know her cup size but not her name....
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