i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
