i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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