dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
