Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
