I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
