this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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