I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
