...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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