i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
