I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
