will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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