Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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