But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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