You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
