if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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