Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
