We're like a lot better than the average bears
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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