Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize