dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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