Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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