He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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