I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
