Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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