hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
