literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
