Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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