It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
