There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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