He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
