made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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