Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
