Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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