So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
