HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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