dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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