Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Well I just put wine in my tea
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
