im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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