We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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