FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
