I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
