Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
