in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
