I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You are the jesus of drinking
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
