I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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