Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
