If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
