what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
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I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
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Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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