Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
