had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize