Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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