he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
