Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
