I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
